The Fat Cat Diaries

I’m Oliver! You may recognize me from my one moment of fame on Icanhazcheezburger.com when I was famously known as “Kitteh vs. Lazer” and touched the hearts over over 230,000 viewers with my mad lazer chasing skills. You can relive the moment in my Videos section, I know I do every day. Take that evil spoiled Bella!

First off, yes I’m a jumbo kitty. My humans have tried everything, but I’m just big boned. Right now I weigh 24 pounds… for all the ladies out there who love a man with meat on his bones. Rawr!

I don’t remember too much of my childhood, but I do know I lived with a happy family until I was 6, then I had to move out. Ya see, I liked to go to the bathroom wherever I felt, and my real parents didn’t like that too much…mostly because my human siblings thought my floor mistakes were chocolate? So they put me up for adoption. I went to a new home, and their feline beast didn’t like me and tried to attack me. So I went back home and decided to go on a journey outside, when I was attacked in the yard and had to go to the vet. At this point I was losing hope…but then the wonderful world of this thing called Craigslist found me a new home with a new owner, and a demonic sister named Bella.

Once I moved in, I went to the bathroom all over the place…had to mark my territory somehow! My new owner was pissed and my sister Bella chased after me all the time trying to slap me. I should have gone to the bathroom on her, put her in her place. My new owner realized all I needed was some unscented carpet color litter and I’d go to the bathroom properly! Now, I’m a good kitty who’s spoiled daily and loved unconditionally, even when I puke up a hairball on the bathroom rug.

Hobbies: Sleeping, splashing in the toilet, purring for hours straight, eating (obviously), and leaving fur all over the place.

Likes: being pet, cheeseburger scraps, my humans hairbrush, red dots

Dislikes: Being dressed up in stupid costumes, Bella, traveling in cars, diet cat food